Monday, February 27, 2012
Fellowship of Family and Friends
I am so blessed with the most amazing group of friends and family. I have so many wonderful people in my life. I thank God everyday for everyone of these great people in my life. My brothers and sister through Christ are the life-blood of my soul right now. Helping to get me through a time full of joy and pain. I can't wait for the day we will all be able to celebrate together in eternal joy, without all of the pain of this world. There will come a day!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Trials of This Life
One of "my songs" for this time in my life, I have songs that help me get through tough times, is Blessings by Laura Story. It helps me realize that God knows what we need to get us to go to Him. It talks about how we need to recognize our blessings, even in our trials. I've been questioing lately the hows and whys, as I a struggling through one of the most challenging times in my life. I'm being called to "share" with others. I don't have a lot of formal churh training, so scripture quoting, and such, is not my thing. I feel like God is leading me by my experiences, past, present, and future.
So, one big question for me lately is, why me? Why do I see the suffering of others, and have great compassion and kindness in my heart for everyone? What trials have I endured to be worthy of your voice in my life? I haven't suffered directly through cancer, death of a spouse, death of a sibling, death of a child, or the death of a parent. His response that I am feeling is, that you have suffered greatly, when you were only a child. When one of my children suffers, I console them. I enter into them and surround them to protect them. When you were only a child you suffered greatly, so I am deeply rooted in you as an adult without you needing to directly experience the trial.
To give some perspective, and I won't go into great detail, but these are the things I remember going through as a child. It all really started with the death of my Grandmother, Memere (pronouced Mem-a), I remember seeing my mother in a great deal of pain surrounded by her family and friends. This was 1987, I was eight at the time of this death. At age 11, in 1991, we had a major tradegy in my family. My "funnest" uncle, my mother's baby brother, was brutally murdered. I remember the phone call, I remember the reaction, I remember the pain. It went on for years. I have so many powerful memories of this time, I could probaby go on and on, but maybe that is for another post.
Next, it was the death of my Grandfather, Pepere (Pep-a) at age 12, which occured only a week after my sister's wedding. He died from pancreatic cancer. Again, so many memories. Again more pain. At age 13, I had a very close aunt abuptly leave my life. The one who had comforted and cared for me deeply when my parents were attending to the needs surrounding my uncle's death and his murder's trail. She just was gone, she didn't die, in fact she is still alive today (I just visited her for the first time since she left in September this year). No death in this case, but more pain.
Next, my brother, I didn't understand at the time and don't claim now to know the whys and hows, but my brother struggled greatly as an adolescent. I remember fighting, cuzzing, drugs, alochol, vandalizing, bringing a gun to school, juvienlle detention, group homes, police men coming to the house, and much more. This was between the ages of 12-15. Then, I remember when he turned 18 he left, went to Utah and came back months later with a pregnant girlfriend. They lived with us in my parents house. My first neice, my parent's first Granddaughter came out of this. For me, she was an angel in the darkness. Only months later, another tradegy, there was an accident involving my brother and my neice. I remember, a hurt three month old baby, the hospital, DFS, jail, more DFS. After three months of fighting, my parents got custody back of her at when she was six months old, she came back to our house. In my mind, this time she was not my neice, but my little sister.
These are the trials I remember facing as a child. After age 18, I faced many new ones, but they were in a much different capacity. I feel like this should give some perspective on the sufferings I endured as a child and the reason why God had to comfort me so greatly. I have no idea if this much chaos in a family is normal, but it was the norm for me.
I feel like these experiences and God's love and comfort have shaped me into the person I am today. I am starting to believe more and more that I am a strong, confident, wise, and worthy child of God. Who is growing through every trial to become more like Christ. I want to thank God for all of the blessings in my life. Even the ones that don't always seem to be blessings. They are great gifts, in my mind, bad stuff that God can use for the greater good of humanity. He is awesome!
So, one big question for me lately is, why me? Why do I see the suffering of others, and have great compassion and kindness in my heart for everyone? What trials have I endured to be worthy of your voice in my life? I haven't suffered directly through cancer, death of a spouse, death of a sibling, death of a child, or the death of a parent. His response that I am feeling is, that you have suffered greatly, when you were only a child. When one of my children suffers, I console them. I enter into them and surround them to protect them. When you were only a child you suffered greatly, so I am deeply rooted in you as an adult without you needing to directly experience the trial.
To give some perspective, and I won't go into great detail, but these are the things I remember going through as a child. It all really started with the death of my Grandmother, Memere (pronouced Mem-a), I remember seeing my mother in a great deal of pain surrounded by her family and friends. This was 1987, I was eight at the time of this death. At age 11, in 1991, we had a major tradegy in my family. My "funnest" uncle, my mother's baby brother, was brutally murdered. I remember the phone call, I remember the reaction, I remember the pain. It went on for years. I have so many powerful memories of this time, I could probaby go on and on, but maybe that is for another post.
Next, it was the death of my Grandfather, Pepere (Pep-a) at age 12, which occured only a week after my sister's wedding. He died from pancreatic cancer. Again, so many memories. Again more pain. At age 13, I had a very close aunt abuptly leave my life. The one who had comforted and cared for me deeply when my parents were attending to the needs surrounding my uncle's death and his murder's trail. She just was gone, she didn't die, in fact she is still alive today (I just visited her for the first time since she left in September this year). No death in this case, but more pain.
Next, my brother, I didn't understand at the time and don't claim now to know the whys and hows, but my brother struggled greatly as an adolescent. I remember fighting, cuzzing, drugs, alochol, vandalizing, bringing a gun to school, juvienlle detention, group homes, police men coming to the house, and much more. This was between the ages of 12-15. Then, I remember when he turned 18 he left, went to Utah and came back months later with a pregnant girlfriend. They lived with us in my parents house. My first neice, my parent's first Granddaughter came out of this. For me, she was an angel in the darkness. Only months later, another tradegy, there was an accident involving my brother and my neice. I remember, a hurt three month old baby, the hospital, DFS, jail, more DFS. After three months of fighting, my parents got custody back of her at when she was six months old, she came back to our house. In my mind, this time she was not my neice, but my little sister.
These are the trials I remember facing as a child. After age 18, I faced many new ones, but they were in a much different capacity. I feel like this should give some perspective on the sufferings I endured as a child and the reason why God had to comfort me so greatly. I have no idea if this much chaos in a family is normal, but it was the norm for me.
I feel like these experiences and God's love and comfort have shaped me into the person I am today. I am starting to believe more and more that I am a strong, confident, wise, and worthy child of God. Who is growing through every trial to become more like Christ. I want to thank God for all of the blessings in my life. Even the ones that don't always seem to be blessings. They are great gifts, in my mind, bad stuff that God can use for the greater good of humanity. He is awesome!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
My Church History
I have been searching for a “church” to belong to my whole life. I was taught the basic story of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit by my parents, specifically by my Dad’s teaching of the bible stories, words, and actions; and my Mom’s love and kindness.
Growing up, my family did not belong to any “organized religion.” As an adolescent, I went to a Baptist church, my sister went to a Methodist church, and my brother always was searching internally for belonging. My mother was raised Catholic and my father was raised in a very Christian home, but did not belong to any specific church. His family experienced very negative “church” life, so their family did a lot personal studying, praying, and searching. His mother and six children (and all of their descendants) are some of the most religious, outspoken, and devote people, I have ever met ( all belonging to different parts of the Christain faith).
My mother and father faced many religious challenges as they sought to be together, my mother’s parents were very Catholic, very” by the book” Catholics. Catholics didn’t marry non-Catholics. Catholic girls didn’t get married until a certain age. My parents loved each other, and wanted to get married. They didn’t listen to anyone, and they got married, despite many strong suggestions or threats, they received. They were 18 and 19 years old.
The story goes on with many parts and pieces, but fast forward 25+ years, and their youngest daughter is in a very similar situation, young and in love, wanting to get married. Her love interest’s family is Catholic, and her family is not. Now, the Catholic Church allows you to be married in the Church with certain rules. We got married in the Church, despite many strong suggestions against it. We were 18 and 20 years old.
Our story goes on, fast forward another 10 years, I am still not Catholic, I have so many questions (major one’s are listed above). I was introduced to a wonderful priest, who helped me get the acceptance I’d been searching for in the Catholic church. I joined because I believed in the Creed, and he gave me an explanation of the Church’s teaching about “implicit” faith for non-Christians. This helped me and I officially a converted in 2010.
In an effort to branch out and grow in our faith, we wanted more. We were asked to join a group of Christians from different backgrounds, and I thought this was a cool idea. Getting together with other Christians and sharing our common love for God. So, here we are, present day, I’ve been experiencing the most difficult time in my life and watching some of my dearest friends also experience hardship. So, I’m digging deep into my greatest source of strength. Many things are clicking together, I am trying to see how they are unified into one.
I want to thank the Lord for the blessings of history, family, friends, and faith. These are some of the greatest gifts I could ever imagine and I wonder all the time what makes me worthy to receive them. I want to devote my life to serving the one who has given these great gifts to me.
Growing up, my family did not belong to any “organized religion.” As an adolescent, I went to a Baptist church, my sister went to a Methodist church, and my brother always was searching internally for belonging. My mother was raised Catholic and my father was raised in a very Christian home, but did not belong to any specific church. His family experienced very negative “church” life, so their family did a lot personal studying, praying, and searching. His mother and six children (and all of their descendants) are some of the most religious, outspoken, and devote people, I have ever met ( all belonging to different parts of the Christain faith).
My mother and father faced many religious challenges as they sought to be together, my mother’s parents were very Catholic, very” by the book” Catholics. Catholics didn’t marry non-Catholics. Catholic girls didn’t get married until a certain age. My parents loved each other, and wanted to get married. They didn’t listen to anyone, and they got married, despite many strong suggestions or threats, they received. They were 18 and 19 years old.
The story goes on with many parts and pieces, but fast forward 25+ years, and their youngest daughter is in a very similar situation, young and in love, wanting to get married. Her love interest’s family is Catholic, and her family is not. Now, the Catholic Church allows you to be married in the Church with certain rules. We got married in the Church, despite many strong suggestions against it. We were 18 and 20 years old.
Our story goes on, fast forward another 10 years, I am still not Catholic, I have so many questions (major one’s are listed above). I was introduced to a wonderful priest, who helped me get the acceptance I’d been searching for in the Catholic church. I joined because I believed in the Creed, and he gave me an explanation of the Church’s teaching about “implicit” faith for non-Christians. This helped me and I officially a converted in 2010.
In an effort to branch out and grow in our faith, we wanted more. We were asked to join a group of Christians from different backgrounds, and I thought this was a cool idea. Getting together with other Christians and sharing our common love for God. So, here we are, present day, I’ve been experiencing the most difficult time in my life and watching some of my dearest friends also experience hardship. So, I’m digging deep into my greatest source of strength. Many things are clicking together, I am trying to see how they are unified into one.
I want to thank the Lord for the blessings of history, family, friends, and faith. These are some of the greatest gifts I could ever imagine and I wonder all the time what makes me worthy to receive them. I want to devote my life to serving the one who has given these great gifts to me.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
The Body of Christ
Some powerful stuff going on in my head, I have to get it out onto my blog as part of my way of processing information and praising my God.
I have always enjoyed it when I hear masses on the Body of Christ, I love thinking about it in terms that we are all the body, working together for the greater good to prevail through Christ. Recently, I had one of the most beautiful experiences. I want to first and foremost thank God for the experience, and the peace it has given me. I am also continuing to pray for the purpose of the event, and will continue to pray until we see some resolution.
One thing that I am struggling with lately, is the division of the Christian church, what in my mind I think of as the "holy catholic church." (and yes, I meant to not capitalize the "c" in catholic). When I pray the Catholic creed at mass, and I say that, "I believe in one holy catholic and apostolic church." I mean the little "c" version as well. This is something that I learned while joining the Catholic church in my RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) class. The capitalization refers to the organization itself, if the word is not capitalized it simply means universal church, which to me means the entire body of Christians working together through Christ.
Recently, I got to experience a greater version of the body of Christ. I have always enjoyed exploring and attending other denominations of the Christian church. A few weeks ago, I attended a prayer service for one of our dear friends at a Pentecostal church. I know understand more fully what is meant by the "crying out to Jesus." I was there to pray and that is exactly what I did in many different forms. First, I sat and quietly prayed my rosary (which in my mind is directly praying to God, Jesus, and Mary) for the intentions that were being spoken. It was amazing, nearly every time I completed a decade of my rosary and I was ready to introduce more intentions, someone would begin to speak their prayers for the family. When they finished their petition, I began my decade of meditating on their needs and praising the Lord. If no else was speaking when I completed my decade, I quietly did my own crying out to Jesus for the family. If someone happen to be speaking during my decade, I simply mediated on what they were praying. I noticed others around me doing the same in their own way. After my rosaries, I prayed to the saints I know in my heart to also be praying to God for the family's needs. Finally, I just quietly sat in contemplative prayer with the Lord.
After we left the service, we proceeded on home, to find that Henry had a terrible ear ache. He had a rough night waking up, so I slept in his bed with him and helped him throughout the night. This again, was a blessing in disguise. I was able to process and think about the events of the evening, and pray even more during the night . As I was thinking about the beauty of the prayer service, I had a realization about the body of Christ. It is not just in the member of the individuals of the church you attend, but also in all of the denominations of the catholic (little "c" again). Each division of the church seems to hone in on a different parts of the mission of Christ. It was beautiful to me to see all of us, praying together as a unit of the church, even though some of us came from different church backgrounds.
I am inspired to continue to learn more, and continue being in unity with my fellow Christians. As we all work towards perfection in Christ through our human imperfections.
Once again, I would like to thank and praise my God for the many blessing He has given me. It is truly beautiful when I step back and look at the bigger picture of life.
Monday, December 19, 2011
I Believe
The past few weeks, I have been reading Henry and George a bible story about Jesus' life at bedtime. Last night, we read two staories about Jesus raising children from the dead. After the second story, Henry looked at me very seriously and said, "Mama, do you think Jesus actually did these things?" The question stopped me in my tracks. What an awesome question. I stopped for a minute, to find the right words to express to Henry how I felt about his question. I said, "Henry, I do believe Jesus did these miracles, I'm not sure that it can ever be proven that He did, but I still believe they happened." Henry then asked, "How could He do these kinds of things?" To which I replied, "He did them by fully trusting God, if we trust God we can do great things too." Thank you Henry for being so inquisitive and helping me remember the power of God.
Monday, November 21, 2011
All People are Created Equal
This weekend I have a continuing theme in the messages I am hearing. Church, friends, family, and life experiences all seem to be saying the same things to me this week.
All people are equal, we all just human beings living in a world with many challenges. We all have experiences that shape us into our true selves. We all have our own God moments. Moments when we realize that we are only human and in order to make it through the challenges, we need a Greater Power to give us strength. Furthermore, we need to be caring for ourselves, as well as our fellow neighbors in need. My random thoughts on my recent messages.....
- We have no control over the things that we are given, we just save to be faithful followers and believe that we will not be given anything we can not handle. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
- We need to love everyone - our loved ones and our enemies (those who are hardest for us to love).
- Everyone of us is only human - the President of the United States and the homeless man in your town are both equal in the eyes of the Lord. We need to treat everyone with a sense of love, and never be afraid to approach anyone with our love.
- We will be judged by how we treat the needy in our community. The ones with special needs, the poor in spirit (not "poor" in our societies terms, but "poor" in God's terms), the hungry, the homeless, etc.
- We are all a temple of the Holy Spirit, and as such, we are the living body of Christ. We need to treat everyone on Earth with the same kind of love we would treat our Savior in Heaven.
I'm thankful for the gift of these messages and the hope that I may have a hand in making this world a better place.
Monday, October 31, 2011
The Golden Rule
So, I heard something interesting this weekend. I am having trouble remembering where I even heard it, but it has been coming back to me over and over this morning. I have heard the Golden Rule a million times, "do unto others as you would have done to you." I have twisted this way of thinking into my kids by asking when they do something unjust, "how would you feel if someone did that to you." Well, this weekend, I had heard something that sparked me into a new way of thinking about the Golden Rule.
Whatever you want in life, give that to others (or yourself).
I have been mulling this phrase over in my head, and I have decided that I really like it. If I want kindness, I have to be kind to others. If I want patience, I have to be patient with others. If I want someone to call me, I need to call them. If I want someone to help me, I have to help myself. If I want someone to love me, I have to love myself.
Wow, what a blessing. I want to thank whoever gave me the grace to ponder this statement. I'm sad that I can't give credit to you by name, but I do have a feeling my kids are going to hear this one a few hundred million times over the upcoming years.
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