Focus - Cain & Abel - October 18, 2012

Focus - Cain & Abel - October 18, 2012

By: Jennifer Dwyer

I would like to begin with a prayer:

Dear Lord,
 Thank you for the opportunity to be here today.  Thank you for the gathering and fellowship of my sisters in Christ.  Please send down Your Spirit today to guide me, give me the courage to speak, and wisdom in my words.  I seek to always do Your will for the furthering of the community of Christ.
 Amen

Today, I would like to share a brief story about how I came to be in front of you today. I would like to share a poem I found on an internet blog, and I would like to share some personal thoughts and experiences regarding our reading today.

Why am I up here today?  I am not 100% sure, but I can tell you one thing, it is God's will.  Over the last few weeks, during the focus, many have encouraged us to get up and help out with the focus.  During these discussions, I had a little voice in my head saying, "You should do it."  Followed by my the voice of my fears, "I don't like getting up in front of people,"  "I am a new member, I don't have enough experience to talk to these women,"  "I will fail, and not convey the message I need to", and finally, "I don't know which focus would be right for me to sign up for."  Well, God heard all of my fears and worries and doubts, and he continued to call.  I negotiated with the Lord, in my typically strong willed nature.  I said, "Lord, if you lead me to which focus I should do, I will do it for you."  So, the next week, the assistant group leader of my small group, Catherine S., approached me while we were greeting together and asked, "Jennifer, do you have any siblings?"  I replied, "Yes, I have a brother and a sister".  Next, she asked, "You have six children living with you right?"  to which I replied, "Yes."  Next came the big questions, "You know a little about siblings don't you? Would you be interested in giving the focus before the Cain and Abel discussion?"  To which in my head I replied, "Yes, Lord!", and then I said to Catherine, "Sure."  Our Lord is awesome he calls us, listens to us, and answers our prayers.  

So, while preparing this focus, I called on the Spirit to help me prepare.  I am a natural introvert.  I like to sit back and watch, and talk to those who approach me first.  Many of you might have noticed that I seem to be off in my own world, until others engage me back into this world.  The Lord is calling me to learn new skills, and I am trying.  Thank you for bearing with me, as I nervously speak in front of you all today.  

Now, I would like to share with you a poem I found on an un-authored blog on blogspot.com.  It spoke directly to me after reading the Cain & Abel passage for today.  It is entitled, My Brother’s Keeper.

My Brother’s Keeper
Am I my brother’s keeper?
Yes I am
I am his voice when he can not speak
I am his strength when he is weak
Am I my brother’s keeper?
Yes I am
I am his provider when he is in need
I am his arms when he can not reach
Am I my brother’s keeper?
Yes I am
I am his justice when he is wronged
I am his friend when he is alone
Am I my brother’s keeper?
Yes I am
I am his courage when he is afraid
I am his comforter when he is dismayed
Am I my brother’s keeper?
Yes I am
I am his hope when he does not believe
I am his truth when he is deceived
Am I my brother’s keeper
Yes I am
I am his guide when he has gone astray
I am his aide if he needs help along the way
Am I my brother’s keeper
The answer is yes
I am him, I am her
I am my brother’s keeper.

Cain spoke the words to God, “I am not my brother’s keeper.”  I would like to share some of my current personal journey and a few scriptures passages that I find speak to me on the topic of being my brother’s keeper.

I said earlier that I have a brother and sister; I have constant struggles with them both, but also try to love them fully as God commands me.  In scripture, John 13:34 Jesus states:

“I give you a new commandment: love one another.  As, I have loved you, so you also should love one another.  This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."  

My brother is currently homeless in Colorado.  He is a wanderer.  We believe he has an undiagnosed major mental illness, however, when we bring it up to him, he refuses to speak to us about the possibility and says that he is fine and the rest of the world is against him.  Despite his words and bad choices in his lifestyle, I love him as Jesus has commanded me.  I have had to learn to let go of trying to "help him" in his own struggle.  I have accepted that you cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves.  I do however, continue to actively "love him" in the action sense of the word.  I do still speak with him, accept him for who he is, and I pray for him often.  I also do what I can to help the people in his life who are most affected by his actions.  I am my brother's keeper.

I also stated earlier, that I have six children living with me.  This might sound funny, most people just say, "I have six children."  I have only given birth to four children, but I am helping to raise my brother's two daughters.  Again, I am my brother's keeper.  I help him when he is unable to do things on his own.  He is not able to raise these girls, so I am doing what I can to further the community of God by raising them with the help of my wonderful husband and my parents.  The work is challenging, but God never said the road would be easy.  He actually says quite the contrary in Matthew 7:14

"How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life" 

So, who are our brothers and sister? Who am I called to be the keeper of?  The lord answers this for me in Matthew 12:46-50 describes the True Family of Jesus

While he was still speaking to the crowds, his mother and his brothers appeared outside, wishing to speak with him.  Someone told him his mothers and his brothers are standing outside, asking to speak with you.  But he said in reply to the one who told him, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers? And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers.  For whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my brother, sister, and mother.

I believe in my heart that when we go before the Lord we will have to answer two questions, “How did you love Me? and “How did you love one another”  There is a direct connection between what we do for others and what we do for God.  In Matthew 25:40 Jesus says “Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of the least brothers of mine, you did for me.”

I would like to close with a quote from St. Therese of Lisieux

“Jesus wills that we give alms to Him as to the poor and needy.  He puts Himself as it were at our mercy; He will take nothing but what we give Him from our heart, and the very least trifle is precious in His sight.  He stretches forth His Hand, this sweet Savior , to receive of us a little love, so that in the radiant Day of Judgment He may be able to address to us those infallible words: “Come ye blessed of my Father for I was hungry and you gave me eat, I was thirsty, and you gave me drink, I was a stranger, and you took me in, sick and you visited me; I was in prison, and you came to me.”

Faith, Hope, and Love

 When I was an adolescent, I attended only one church camp. It was a very interesting experience. I know now, that this camp gave me a jewel that I have forever treasured. I have thought about a bible verse that I was "assigned" to memorize. It has stuck with me throughout the years as a cornerstone in my life. The verse is 1 Corinthians 13:13 (this is how I remember learning it) "now abided by faith, hope, and love. The greatest of these three is love" 

I feel like I have used this saying to guide my life. I am abided by faith, hope, and love. I will forever be on a journey that contains all three of these elements. There is an endless amount of thinking and writing that can be done on these three simple words. Faith, Hope, and Love.

Thank you God for these supreme gifts. Without them, there wouldn't be much to strive for in this life. Specifically, in this world. I feel blessed to have been given this jewel to forever treasure.

Death, Suffering, and Pain

I am surrounded, I am feeling the pain of my own suffering in addition to the suffering of so many others.  God has given me a gift to see and relate to the pain and suffering of others.  I feel the need to pray, think, and do when I see suffering.  I feel the need to love my brothers and sisters.

I only hear tidbits of information, but my heart hurts.  I want to console.  I want to bring a little light to the darkness of a heart surrounded by pain. 

God has entrust this gift to me.  I'm not always sure what to do with it, but I pray that I am doing what He wants every step of the way.  So, that some day we may be able to all be together in eternal joy, living the life He always intended for us. 

This life, and these pains are not what He intended, but the result of the temptation of evil in the Garden of Eden.  By bringing His son into this world, and having Him suffer greatly, He has purchased for us the eternal reward of salvation.  All we have to do it believe and follow His ways and we will soon be in eternal joy with all of our brothers and sisters. 

Thank you Lord for these gifts.  Please help me to use them in the best ways to help in your plan for salvation.

Fellowship of Family and Friends

I am so blessed with the most amazing group of friends and family.  I have so many wonderful people in my life.  I thank God everyday for everyone of these great people in my life.  My brothers and sister through Christ are the life-blood of my soul right now.  Helping to get me through a time full of joy and pain.  I can't wait for the day we will all be able to celebrate together in eternal joy, without all of the pain of this world.  There will come a day!

Trials of This Life

One of "my songs" for this time in my life, I have songs that help me get through tough times, is Blessings by Laura Story.  It helps me realize that God knows what we need to get us to go to Him.  It talks about how we need to recognize our blessings, even in our trials.  I've been questioing lately the hows and whys, as I a struggling through one of the most challenging times in my life.  I'm being called to "share" with others.  I don't have a lot of formal churh training, so scripture quoting, and such, is not my thing.  I feel like God is leading me by my experiences, past, present, and future. 

So, one big question for me lately is, why me?  Why do I see the suffering of others, and have great compassion and kindness in my heart for everyone?  What trials have I endured to be worthy of your voice in my life?  I haven't suffered directly through cancer, death of a spouse, death of a sibling, death of a child, or the death of a parent.  His response that I am feeling is, that you have suffered greatly, when you were only a child.  When one of my children suffers, I console them.  I enter into them and surround them to protect them.  When you were only a child you suffered greatly, so I am deeply rooted in you as an adult without you needing to directly experience the trial.

To give some perspective, and I won't go into great detail, but these are the things I remember going through as a child.  It all really started with the death of my Grandmother, Memere (pronouced Mem-a), I remember seeing my mother in a great deal of pain surrounded by her family and friends.  This was 1987, I was eight at the time of this death.  At age 11, in 1991, we had a major tradegy in my family.  My "funnest" uncle, my mother's baby brother, was brutally murdered.  I remember the phone call, I remember the reaction, I remember the pain.  It went on for years.  I have so many powerful memories of this time, I could probaby go on and on, but maybe that is for another post.

Next, it was the death of my Grandfather, Pepere (Pep-a) at age 12, which occured only a week after my sister's wedding.  He died from pancreatic cancer.  Again, so many memories.  Again more pain.  At age 13, I had a very close aunt abuptly leave my life.  The one who had comforted and cared for me deeply when my parents were attending to the needs surrounding my uncle's death and his murder's trail.  She just was gone, she didn't die, in fact she is still alive today (I just visited her for the first time since she left in September this year).  No death in this case, but more pain.

Next, my brother, I didn't understand at the time and don't claim now to know the whys and hows, but my brother struggled greatly as an adolescent.  I remember fighting, cuzzing, drugs, alochol, vandalizing, bringing a gun to school, juvienlle detention, group homes, police men coming to the house, and much more.  This was between the ages of 12-15.  Then, I remember when he turned 18 he left, went to Utah and came back months later with a pregnant girlfriend.  They lived with us in my parents house.  My first neice, my parent's first Granddaughter came out of this.  For me, she was an angel in the darkness.  Only months later, another tradegy, there was an accident involving my brother and my neice.  I remember, a hurt three month old baby, the hospital, DFS, jail, more DFS.  After three months of fighting, my parents got custody back of her at when she was six months old, she came back to our house.  In my mind, this time she was not my neice, but my little sister.

These are the trials I remember facing as a child.  After age 18, I faced many new ones, but they were in a much different capacity.  I feel like this should give some perspective on the sufferings I endured as a child and the reason why God had to comfort me so greatly.  I have no idea if this much chaos in a family is normal, but it was the norm for me.

I feel like these experiences and God's love and comfort have shaped me into the person I am today.  I am starting to believe more and more that I am a strong, confident, wise, and worthy child of God.  Who is growing through every trial to become more like Christ.  I want to thank God for all of the blessings in my life.  Even the ones that don't always seem to be blessings.  They are great gifts, in my mind, bad stuff that God can use for the greater good of humanity.  He is awesome!    

My Church History

I have been searching for a “church” to belong to my whole life.  I was taught the basic story of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit by my parents, specifically by my Dad’s teaching of the bible stories, words, and actions; and my Mom’s love and kindness. 

Growing up, my family did not belong to any “organized religion.”  As an adolescent, I went to a Baptist church, my sister went to a Methodist church, and my brother always was searching internally for belonging.  My mother was raised Catholic and my father was raised in a very Christian home, but did not belong to any specific church.  His family experienced very negative “church” life, so their family did a lot personal studying, praying, and searching.  His mother and six children (and all of their descendants) are some of the most religious, outspoken, and devote people, I have ever met ( all belonging to different parts of the Christain faith).

My mother and father faced many religious challenges as they sought to be together, my mother’s parents were very Catholic, very” by the book” Catholics.  Catholics didn’t marry non-Catholics.  Catholic girls didn’t get married until a certain age.  My parents loved each other, and wanted to get married.  They didn’t listen to anyone, and they got married, despite many strong suggestions or threats, they received.   They were 18 and 19 years old.

The story goes on with many parts and pieces, but fast forward 25+ years, and their youngest daughter is in a very similar situation, young and in love, wanting to get married.  Her love interest’s family is Catholic, and her family is not.  Now, the Catholic Church allows you to be married in the Church with certain rules.  We got married in the Church, despite many strong suggestions against it.  We were 18 and 20 years old.

Our story goes on, fast forward another 10 years, I am still not Catholic, I have so many questions (major one’s are listed above).  I was introduced to a wonderful priest, who helped me get the acceptance I’d been searching for in the Catholic church.  I joined because I believed in the Creed, and he gave me an explanation of the Church’s teaching about “implicit” faith for non-Christians.   This helped me and I officially a converted in 2010.

In an effort to branch out and grow in our faith, we wanted more.  We were asked to join a group of Christians from different backgrounds, and I thought this was a cool idea.  Getting together with other Christians and sharing our common love for God.  So, here we are, present day, I’ve been experiencing the most difficult time in my life and watching some of my dearest friends also experience hardship.  So, I’m digging deep into my greatest source of strength.  Many things are clicking together, I am trying to see how they are unified into one. 

I want to thank the Lord for the blessings of history, family, friends, and faith.  These are some of the greatest gifts I could ever imagine and I wonder all the time what makes me worthy to receive them.  I want to devote my life to serving the one who has given these great gifts to me.

The Body of Christ

Some powerful stuff going on in my head, I have to get it out onto my blog as part of my way of processing information and praising my God.

I have always enjoyed it when I hear masses on the Body of Christ, I love thinking about it in terms that we are all the body, working together for the greater good to prevail through Christ.  Recently, I had one of the most beautiful experiences.  I want to first and foremost thank God for the experience, and the peace it has given me.  I am also continuing to pray for the purpose of the event, and will continue to pray until we see some resolution.

One thing that I am struggling with lately, is the division of the Christian church, what in my mind I think of as the "holy catholic church."  (and yes, I meant to not capitalize the "c" in catholic).  When I pray the Catholic creed at mass, and I say that, "I believe in one holy catholic and apostolic church."  I mean the little "c" version as well.  This is something that I learned while joining the Catholic church in my RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) class.  The capitalization refers to the organization itself, if the word is not capitalized it simply means universal church,  which to me means the entire body of Christians working together through Christ.

Recently, I got to experience a greater version of the body of Christ.  I have always enjoyed exploring and attending other denominations of the Christian church.  A few weeks ago, I attended a prayer service for one of our dear friends at a Pentecostal church.  I know understand more fully what is meant by the "crying out to Jesus." I was there to pray and that is exactly what I did in many different forms.   First, I sat and quietly prayed my rosary (which in my mind is directly praying to God, Jesus, and Mary)  for the intentions that were being spoken.  It was amazing, nearly every time I completed a decade of my rosary and I was ready to introduce more intentions, someone would begin to speak their prayers for the family.  When they finished their petition, I began my decade of meditating on their needs and praising the Lord.  If no else was speaking when I completed my decade, I quietly did my own crying out to Jesus for the family.  If someone happen to be speaking during my decade, I simply mediated on what they were praying.  I noticed others around me doing the same in their own way.   After my rosaries, I prayed to the saints I know in my heart to also be praying to God for the family's needs.  Finally, I just quietly sat in contemplative prayer with the Lord.

After we left the service, we proceeded on home, to find that Henry had a terrible ear ache.  He had a rough night waking up, so I slept in his bed with him and helped him throughout the night.  This again, was a blessing in disguise.  I was able to process and think about the events of the evening, and pray even more during the night .  As I was thinking about the beauty of the prayer service, I had a realization about the body of Christ.  It is not just in the member of the individuals of the church you attend, but also in all of the denominations of the catholic (little "c" again).  Each division of the church seems to hone in on a different parts of the mission of Christ. It was beautiful to me to see all of us, praying together as a unit of the church, even though some of us came from different church backgrounds.

I am inspired to continue to learn more, and continue being in unity with my fellow Christians.  As we all work towards perfection in Christ through our human imperfections.

Once again, I would like to thank and praise my God for the many blessing He has given me.  It is truly beautiful when I step back and look at the bigger picture of life.